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Uploading files using php on windows
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:59 am under PHP and has no comments.
<?php
//file uploads
$uploaddir=’uploads/’;
if($_POST)
{
$uploadfile = $uploaddir . basename($_FILES[’userfile’][’name’]);
if (move_uploaded_file($_FILES[’userfile’][’tmp_name’], $uploadfile)) {
echo “File is valid, and was successfully uploaded.n”;
} else {
echo “Possible file upload attack!n”;
}
}
?>
<form enctype=”multipart/form-data” action=”" method=”POST”>
<!– Name of input element determines name in $_FILES array –>
Upload file: <input name=”userfile” type=”file” />
<input type=”submit” value=”Upload File” />
</form>
Appraisal letter
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:58 am under Jokes and has no comments.
Dear Manager (HR),
Vivek, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Vivek works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vivek never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Vivek takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Vivek is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vivek can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vivek be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
Signed - Project Leader
NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him.
By all Means… MARRY! - Sayings
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:56 am under iSpecial Jokes and has no comments.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
Indian moms
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:56 am under iSpecial Jokes and has no comments.
A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
” That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
The Indian mother replies,
…
….
….
….
…..
..
..
..
..
.
”I don’t like her“
Bug dialogues by Stars
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:55 am under Jokes and has no comments.
Mahesh Babu
‘Bug ni chudalanukovacchu - Tappu ledu
Rectify Cheyyalanukovaddu - Chacchi Pothav’
Prabhas
‘Smile Smile Smile
Ee Prapancham entho peddadi ,
Andhulo ee software entho chinnadhi ,
Andhulo ee bug chala chala chinnadhi ,
so don’t bother about it ,
Smile Smile Smile’.
Aparichithudu
Oka line lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - kadu
5 lines lo 5 bugs vunte thappa - china thappu
5 programs lo 5 lines lo 5 bugs Vunte thappu kada - pedda thappe.
Chiru
‘Idhigidhigo bossu …. Maree antha speed vaddhu story maaripoddhi…
Mana program lo mottam 2500 lines vunnayi
Andulo 1250 bugs vunnayi
Andulo 750 Runtime bugs ithey migilinavi , 500 bugs
compile time bugs.
Kaani valla program lo 100 lines vunnayi , Andulo 10 bugs vunnayi.
100 lines ki 10 bugs vunte 2500 lines enni bugs vundali?’
Balaiah
Nee bugs lo dammenta , nee Code lo pavarenta…
Nenu talachukunte kantichooputo bugs ni Srushtistaa
kaani Solve cheyalenu jaagratta…
Nag
‘Oye yetthi kottanante yetlo padadame kadu Surru summaipodhi , Bug Big auvdhi’.
Venkatesh
‘Ayyo Ayyo Ayyayyo
Any Language
Any Compiler
Any no of Bugs
Single Hand -> Ganesh’
Pity Star (UdayKiran)
‘Chi Chi mee peddolunnarey , Coffee aani , Tea
aani , Meetings aani , Savalaksha Karanalu cheppi ma time waste chestaru.
Repu udayam padakondu gantalaki ee bug ni solve chesi ma youth power ento
chupista’
LoverBoy(Tarun)
Charminar , Software Bugs ilantivanni chuddanike
kani…bugs anevi fix cheyadaniki kadu..gurthunchuko……..
Now suddenly PowerStar will enter and say :-
‘Matter chusthe chinna area , dheentlo pedda chikkulu , Andukey
chepthunnanu my dear friend’s dayachesi ikkadnunchi dobbeyandi’……
Project Managers
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:55 am under Jokes and has no comments.
Team of Managers was given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So theManagers go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape.They’re falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An Engineer comes along and sees what they’re trying to do, walks over,pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the Engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.”See this idiot. We’re looking for height and he gives the length!”
Moral: “No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in you”
Telegram
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:54 am under iSpecial Jokes and has no comments.
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:
“father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”
************ ***
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station
sends a telegram to his wife: “I wish you were here.”
The message received by wife: “I wish you were her.”
************ ***
A wife with near maturing pregnanCy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
“Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady.”
************ ***
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman asks, “How do you want me to put it?”
The man says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “! You are getting better” at the bottom.
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
“You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom”.
************ ***
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent’s house in Delhi .
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.
It was written: ‘Sethji aaj mar ! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )
Lighter side of Poems
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:53 am under Jokes and has no comments.
Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.
Don’t feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in a cage but laughing at you.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn’t it rain on you?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then ~ I wrote your name on my heart And I got a heart attack straight away
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
God saw me hungry, HE created pizza.
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It’s a Girl’s World!!
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:53 am under iSpecial Jokes and has no comments.
If he is late for class, he is told,
“Time and Tide wait for none”.
If she is late, then the bus was late.
If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, “Has he escaped from the Zoo?”
If a boy talks with a girl, “I think he is trying for her”
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.
When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, “Come on man! Don’t be a girl”.
If a girl meets with an accident, then it’s the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, “I think you should learn to drive”.
If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, “Try to respect ladies, man!”.
If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, “You’ve to work hard”.
But if a girl gets a big rank,… still got 33% Reservation.
If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls , he says,there is no class today.
If a girl does not answer during a viva, then atleast ’smile’ says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer,”better luck next time”.
Sure Shot Idea for Valinetine’s Day Success….
Posted on October 20, 07 @ 12:51 am under iSpecial Jokes and has no comments.
Follow strictly the below mentioned steps and success is guaranteed:
Choose the girl you want to propose on the D-day.
* Pick a rose
* Spot the girl
* Stand in front of her
* Give her the rose
* Hug her tightlllyyyyy
* If she doesn’t resist. Battle won, the girl is yours!!
* If she resists and stare at you angrily, immediately leave her and start clapping and shouting’Didi Darr Gayi, Didi Darr Gayi!!!’
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